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Crow
post Mar 30 2010, 05:24 AM
Post #3621


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The dreaded friend zone, much like a gas station lavatory, is something that you will inevitably encounter. Much to our own chagrin, most of us (with the possibly exception of Jonesy, who is, of course, the measurement of all things manly on this site) have been set adrift there at some point.

Some tips for later:

Don't launch into profuse apologies or other weird over reactions. Remain casual; don't be a spazz.
Prepare some witty banter to minimize awkwardness the next time you see her.
Tell her you're part of the Danish royal family.
For Pete's sake, don't brood over it. That's the worst thing you could do.


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overly_critical_...
post Mar 30 2010, 05:35 AM
Post #3622


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See, the Janowski method works until random drunk chicks start talking to you as you're sitting there enjoying your drunkeness. Then you're vulnerable to unwise conversation and you're left with an infinite set of possibilities, the results of which aren't fully understood until you're awoken by several drunk dials 5 years later at 4am.

To avoid this...just hide in a corner. Yeah. Don't sit by a doorway or on a couch or anything.



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iMatt
post Mar 30 2010, 05:36 AM
Post #3623


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You could just be chasing after the wrong girls, I did that all through high school, then I found my wonderful girl. I dunno, it might just have to be something you fall in to.


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Dr. Roffles
post Mar 30 2010, 05:38 AM
Post #3624


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Nah, Janowski, when I turn 21 and can actually drink I will go back to the nearest college campus and mad creeper their parties.

(Warning: I will not actually do this.)

For real, though, meeting girls in college is easy. Meeting girls who are actually up to your dating standards (and expressing yourself in a way that makes you attractive) is significantly harder. In general I've found that if you're really hung up about ladies it's time to either significantly lower your standards or significantly improve on the product you're putting out there (in other words, do some combination of getting ripped, getting way more confident in yourself, and becoming more socially desirable). If you are unwilling to do either of those things you either are pretty cool with where you are now or have so many other problems to smurf with before ladies become Your Biggest Problem that it really isn't a big deal.


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beregond
post Mar 30 2010, 05:38 AM
Post #3625


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QUOTE (overly_critical_man @ Mar 29 2010, 10:35 PM) *
See, the Janowski method works until random drunk chicks start talking to you as you're sitting there enjoying your drunkeness. Then you're vulnerable to unwise conversation and you're left with an infinite set of possibilities, the results of which aren't fully understood until you're awoken by several drunk dials 5 years later at 4am.

To avoid this...just hide in a corner. Yeah. Don't sit by a doorway or on a couch or anything.


But the feeling of couches when you're happy-drunk is just heavenly! Not possible to miss said couches, damn the consequences.
My method has never failed me.


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overly_critical_...
post Mar 30 2010, 05:42 AM
Post #3626


You and me, we're gonna be just fine.
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QUOTE (janowski_27 @ Mar 29 2010, 10:38 PM) *
QUOTE (overly_critical_man @ Mar 29 2010, 10:35 PM) *
See, the Janowski method works until random drunk chicks start talking to you as you're sitting there enjoying your drunkeness. Then you're vulnerable to unwise conversation and you're left with an infinite set of possibilities, the results of which aren't fully understood until you're awoken by several drunk dials 5 years later at 4am.

To avoid this...just hide in a corner. Yeah. Don't sit by a doorway or on a couch or anything.


But the feeling of couches when you're happy-drunk is just heavenly! Not possible to miss said couches, damn the consequences.
My method has never failed me.


You're a first year, right?

This was a third year problem psy.gif

Don't solve calculus until you've passed geometry. wub.gif

Then again, you're in Berkeley, so I like to assume the level of danger isn't as high as on a campus with attractive girls. (Just kidding, girls of Berkeley...probably)

This post has been edited by overly_critical_man: Mar 30 2010, 05:46 AM


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Widget!
post Mar 30 2010, 05:46 AM
Post #3627


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QUOTE (Dr. Roffles @ Mar 29 2010, 10:38 PM) *
In general I've found that if you're really hung up about ladies it's time to either significantly lower your standards or significantly improve on the product you're putting out there (in other words, do some combination of getting ripped, getting way more confident in yourself, and becoming more socially desirable).




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QUOTE (overly_critical_man @ Sep 19 2011, 11:04 AM) *
QUOTE (Research Monkey @ Sep 19 2011, 08:59 AM) *
Also, why are there serious posts in here when we could be talking about ass and bacon?


I often lie awake in bed at night, wondering this to myself.
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beregond
post Mar 30 2010, 05:49 AM
Post #3628


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QUOTE (overly_critical_man @ Mar 29 2010, 10:42 PM) *
QUOTE (janowski_27 @ Mar 29 2010, 10:38 PM) *
QUOTE (overly_critical_man @ Mar 29 2010, 10:35 PM) *
See, the Janowski method works until random drunk chicks start talking to you as you're sitting there enjoying your drunkeness. Then you're vulnerable to unwise conversation and you're left with an infinite set of possibilities, the results of which aren't fully understood until you're awoken by several drunk dials 5 years later at 4am.

To avoid this...just hide in a corner. Yeah. Don't sit by a doorway or on a couch or anything.


But the feeling of couches when you're happy-drunk is just heavenly! Not possible to miss said couches, damn the consequences.
My method has never failed me.


You're a first year, right?

This was a third year problem psy.gif

Don't solve calculus until you've passed geometry. wub.gif

Then again, you're in Berkeley, so I like to assume the level of danger isn't as high as on a campus with attractive girls. (Just kidding, girls of Berkeley...probably)


tbh, I think the Berkeley girls myth is just that, a myth. I got a model/bartender as my English partner in my first semester, and in general I've found that most girls you see around are at least fair.


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Jonesy
post Mar 30 2010, 05:50 AM
Post #3629


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QUOTE (Crow @ Mar 30 2010, 12:24 AM) *
with the possibly exception of Jonesy, who is, of course, the measurement of all things manly on this site

Annnnnnd I have a new sig. cool.gif

also, much of the advice so far has been sound. My tl;dr version is as follows, "Man up and don't be subtle."

Or, be like this, minus the Guy Fawkes mask.


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QUOTE (Crow @ Mar 30 2010, 12:24 AM) *
Jonesy, who is, of course, the measurement of all things manly on this site
QUOTE (zzzptm @ Nov 9 2009, 10:29 PM) *
JBroms is the voice of reason
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overly_critical_...
post Mar 30 2010, 05:54 AM
Post #3630


You and me, we're gonna be just fine.
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QUOTE (janowski_27 @ Mar 29 2010, 10:49 PM) *
tbh, I think the Berkeley girls myth is just that, a myth. I got a model/bartender as my English partner in my first semester, and in general I've found that most girls you see around are at least fair.


Well, to be fair, there has been 100 years of evolution since my era, so I'd like to think there's been some improvement.

Edit: That should be a "10"...but I'm not gonna change it.

This post has been edited by overly_critical_man: Mar 30 2010, 05:55 AM


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beregond
post Mar 30 2010, 05:58 AM
Post #3631


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Back to the random thoughts-ness with which the topic was intended:
Had an interesting idea for writing a novel about pirates...I've been in the pirate mood a lot lately. I just need to learn a lot more about that time period...


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AK_WDB
post Mar 30 2010, 03:37 PM
Post #3632


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The Friend Zone - n. (1) The location where AK_WDB has been found continuously since the age of approximately 10, with the exception of a one-year period.

Listen closely, oh ADT, bastion of male relationship angst. I've spent most of my life falling for every girl who made me feel the least bit loved and appreciated, since there weren't all that many of them. And the few times I made any attempt to take those friendships to another "playing field", I made a fool of myself, as I would have expected. Maybe some of you have an idea how painful a process this is...lying awake at night trying to determine what your feelings for someone mean, and whether your relationship will ever be more than casual. You can spend weeks like this, and in the end you end up just like Godfather describes: the "nice guy" who's always a little too awkward to date. I have a lot of experience being that guy.

Well, as happens to most everyone, eventually my fortunes changed. During senior year of high school I met a girl who was sweet, cute (yes, Dr. R.), and not too proud for me. I asked her to our senior ball, and after that we had a pretty intense romantic relationship that was awesome while it lasted. But after I went to Dartmouth, it became an unhealthy over-attachment culminating in a devastating breakup that left me in a pretty messed-up mental state for the better part of 9 months. It was just the same cycle I'd been going through for years on a dramatically inflated scale: the elation followed by the doldrums. And if you're wondering whether she and I are still "friends" after that breakup, the answer is a resounding no...so don't be naive and think there's nothing to lose by pursuing that kind of relationship.

But after those horrible events, something funny started to happen. I was - and still am - so burned out on dating that I started thinking about girls in a different way: not in terms of angsty designs on how to turn one kind of relationship into another, but in terms of how much I care about them. And this came to a head during spring break, when I reconnected with a girl I've long had a soft spot for, and whom I hadn't seen for over a year. At first I started to slip into the old habits - worrying incessantly about how to categorize my feelings toward her, and the fact that I go to Dartmouth while she's in Fairbanks, and how to present myself in an attractive but non-creepy way. But then I was like, "you know what? smurf that smurf. This girl is an old friend I want to see, and I'm just going to relax with her and have a good time." And we did have a good time. And no, I didn't "start all crazy kissin' with her and pop the question", because that would have been unethical and stupid...but that's OK, because we have a great relationship that is not marred by awkwardness and may or may not develop further in the future.

This is all more personal story than advice, but here's what I'm getting at, guys: Dating and romance aren't everything. It's OK to have a casually affectionate relationship without trying to make it too serious. If you like a girl, don't use some lame underhanded game to "get with her". Get to know her. Put in real effort, not fake effort. Dr. Roffles is right - to date successfully, you need confidence and social skills - and you're not going to get them by holing yourself up with pathological dreams and schemes. I speak so openly about these "creepy" tendencies because they're so natural and so important to avoid. I'm both reasonably happy without a girlfriend and have a reasonable chance of getting one if I wanted to. I'm friends with girls, but not in the friend zone. You all can find that happy medium too.
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beregond
post Mar 30 2010, 04:24 PM
Post #3633


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Ah, AK_WDB, you are wise. I never really went for the gimmicks and tricks (hence why the janowski method isn't a method of getting girls at all, unless they like guys that are merely drunkenly happy, in which case they're idiots). They never really felt right to me; I always thought that if the cards were right, they would be right, and I would know if things were right. Which has been semi-successful.
But being friends with girls, I may say without bragging, is one of my greatest talents. I've been quite capable at becoming friends with girls, and I'm good with that. Perhaps a little too good with that; most of my friends, come to think of it, are girls, although I've made friends with more guys here at school. There's absolutely no problem at all with that, no one's requiring anyone to make a move ever (and in some cases I wouldn't, just not right). If you are interested in a girl in that way, then yes, moving out of the friendzone can be hard. But nothing wrong with just being friends. And unless the thought of not being with her is just torturing you, then nbd. Just chill for a while and see what happens.


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the godfather
post Mar 30 2010, 04:41 PM
Post #3634


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QUOTE (janowski_27 @ Mar 30 2010, 11:24 AM) *
Ah, AK_WDB, you are wise. I never really went for the gimmicks and tricks (hence why the janowski method isn't a method of getting girls at all, unless they like guys that are merely drunkenly happy, in which case they're idiots). They never really felt right to me; I always thought that if the cards were right, they would be right, and I would know if things were right. Which has been semi-successful.
But being friends with girls, I may say without bragging, is one of my greatest talents. I've been quite capable at becoming friends with girls, and I'm good with that. Perhaps a little too good with that; most of my friends, come to think of it, are girls, although I've made friends with more guys here at school. There's absolutely no problem at all with that, no one's requiring anyone to make a move ever (and in some cases I wouldn't, just not right). If you are interested in a girl in that way, then yes, moving out of the friendzone can be hard. But nothing wrong with just being friends. And unless the thought of not being with her is just torturing you, then nbd. Just chill for a while and see what happens.


Both of you guys make great points. And yeah I'm a lot like you as well although I haven't ever done the janowski method laugh.gif But yeah I agree there really is nothing wrong with being good friends with lots of girls. I also have a new take on it, and that is girls make great "wingwomen" and since they are girls you never have to worry about crossover in targets. So next time at a party you can use a close "girl" friend and have her wingwomen you to get a girl if you are a little more shy. And yeah its not like I have a particular girl I really want just something I thought of, so thanks for all the advice smile.gif


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"If you were to die tomorrow would you be happy with your life? Do you have any regrets? It's easy enough to press backspace and change an answer, but you can't exactly erase a moment in your life and try again. Live each day like you may never see the sunrise again, love like you might never hug or hold someones hand again, don't wait to tell someone how you feel in case you never have that chance, because they might just feel the same way, and wouldn't it be worth taking that chance if it might be your last? Take advantage of every breath and every minute of your life without any regrets, embrace even the pain and the heartbreak, and most importantly the laughter and the smiles you share with those you love."
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overly_critical_...
post Mar 30 2010, 04:46 PM
Post #3635


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You guys have successfully mastered self-reliance. Way to smack the perils of woman in the face.





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tryingtothinkaga...
post Mar 30 2010, 07:15 PM
Post #3636


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I've gone through a process similar to Will's, but I'm still going through cycles of smurf that smurf and lying awake at night. I've also had the opportunity to try the Doc. R. method, to a certain extent, I just never followed through, was more of an experiment than anything, and I'm not too proud of it. But yeah, I'm content with the WBD method.


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"Also, I can kill you with my brain."

QUOTE (BearMan @ Feb 2 2012, 01:52 PM) *
oO You must have been a godly varsity.
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Captaink
post Mar 30 2010, 07:38 PM
Post #3637


Now Zoidberg is the popular one!
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QUOTE (debator @ Mar 30 2010, 02:31 PM) *
just stumbled upon this surprisingly pertinent and pretty hilarious article:

http://www.cracked.com/blog/crackeds-reluc...rls-to-like-you

Just fyi, that site, while hilarious, isn't really SFW or school. Also, if you start reading the articles in class, you will probably start laughing uncontrollably, causing minor embarrassment when the teacher/prof kindly asks that you read aloud what is so funny...

unsure.gif


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QUOTE
If you get off of school grounds, kiss your ass goodbye as you’re now faced with angry centaurs, hungry spiders, and every variety of evil, man slaughtering mythical beast you can think of. Including trees. There’s a freaking tree that can kill people.


“To announce that there must be no criticism of the President, or that we are to stand by the president, right or wrong, is not only unpatrioitic and servile, but is morally treasonable to the American public."
- Theodore Roosevelt
Editorial in the Kansas City Star May 7, 1918
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tryingtothinkaga...
post Mar 30 2010, 08:30 PM
Post #3638


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31º31'15"N 95º31'04"W
36º09'55"N 105º29'32"W
37º37'21"N 112º09'57"W
38º52'40"N 104º52'49"W


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Teddy Roosevelt's ghost 2012!

"Also, I can kill you with my brain."

QUOTE (BearMan @ Feb 2 2012, 01:52 PM) *
oO You must have been a godly varsity.
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Research Monkey
post Mar 30 2010, 09:06 PM
Post #3639


touha po ztracené
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QUOTE (janowski_27 @ Mar 30 2010, 09:24 AM) *
Ah, AK_WDB, you are wise. I never really went for the gimmicks and tricks (hence why the janowski method isn't a method of getting girls at all, unless they like guys that are merely drunkenly happy, in which case they're idiots).


laugh.gif

The Janowski Method is a new addition to my vocabulary.


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“The attempt to develop a sense of humor and to see things in a humorous light is some kind of a trick learned while mastering the art of living.” --Viktor E. Frankl
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Jonesy
post Mar 30 2010, 09:13 PM
Post #3640


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QUOTE (tryingtothinkagain @ Mar 30 2010, 03:30 PM) *
31º31'15"N 95º31'04"W
36º09'55"N 105º29'32"W
37º37'21"N 112º09'57"W
38º52'40"N 104º52'49"W

way too lazy to use the interet (or map) to find those points.


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QUOTE (Crow @ Mar 30 2010, 12:24 AM) *
Jonesy, who is, of course, the measurement of all things manly on this site
QUOTE (zzzptm @ Nov 9 2009, 10:29 PM) *
JBroms is the voice of reason
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