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> DDT Zombie Apocalypse Survival Guide
stanleytree
post May 14 2011, 05:38 AM
Post #1


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So with 2012 coming we all know what's on our minds: the oncoming zombie apocalypse. It's clear the mysteries surrounding what might happen in 2012 are foggy because the darkness the will spread across the world. Luckily for all you guys, we have the smartest group of kids the grew up in the Resident Evil/Dawn of the Dead era congregated on one board. Make sure you print this out for when the zombies chew out your wi-fi.

Here are the questions that must be answered:

Board up somewhere, or keep moving?

How many people is the perfect amount to have in your clan? 9 seems to be a solid number.

What makeshift objects can be turned into weapons in your house/apartment/dorm/shack?

What books/objects/mementos would need to be saved and how?

This is srs bsns enough to be n the srs bsns section.
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Guest_blondie13_*
post May 14 2011, 05:41 AM
Post #2





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http://www.cracked.com/article_18683_7-sci...il-quickly.html

Buzzkill ftw.
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Guest_beregond_*
post May 14 2011, 06:11 AM
Post #3





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I take my zombie apocalypse lessons from Left 4 Dead...that takes care of the number.

This post has been edited by beregond: May 14 2011, 06:11 AM
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Guest_Widget!_*
post May 14 2011, 08:54 AM
Post #4





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Oh hell yes. Before I share my direct responses, a word on what would be the basic necessities for survival of a zombie apocalypse seems appropriate.

For a potential zombie apocalypse, one must be aware of basic needs and ideal desires. Dichotomize and prioritize, people. Sure, it would be great to have a sawed-off Mossberg with eight billion rounds of ammunition, and a tank, and a bunch of M.R.E.'s just lying around, but do you really want to be TTTA? ( tongue.gif ) I didn't think so. In reality, you're probably going to have to settle for a .38 revolver with a couple boxes of bullets, and maybe an old M1 or M14 with a box or two itself of bullets. Therefore, some essential preparations need to be made in order to keep your sorry ass alive as long as possible.

First and foremost, you need to get yourself into shape. Look, the fat dude with the shotgun may be in a better position right now, with his shelter and everything, but this is an apocalypse, so you can already assume the worst things are happening. You're going to run out of ammunition, you're going to make some stupid mistake, and you're going to need to bug out as quickly as possible at least once if you want to keep your cerebellum, so we need to work on fitness. Learn to run the right way. Don't overstride, and try to keep your breathing under control and as oxygenated as possible. The only thing that should stop you from running is a fence. But here's where the second part comes in: learn to climb. I don't mean rock climbing; you're not going to need to know harnesses, or knots, or ropes, no, I mean you need to learn how to climb over fences quickly (this has the added benefit of helping you run away from cops should you be doing anything illicit between now and the apocalypse) and scale walls with relative ease. Forward momentum can easily be used to carry you up a wall at least a moderate distance in order to help you pull yourself up to the top, and if you work on upper body fitness, you will not be disappointed when fifty zombies are swarming behind you as you run your stupid self into a wall in terror. These are two simple things that can be done by playing a sport with friends every week, and by remembering to do a few crunches/situps and pushups every morning. Not a hard routine to get in.

Second, you have a lot of learning to do. Chances are, you're in a pretty well-populated area. Sorry, but the odds are against you in the zombie apocalypse. However, you can reduce those odds by working on your brain. What will keep you alive in a terrible situation (and this goes for any catastrophes in the mean time) is learning first how to stay calm under pressure. Learn what causes your blood pressure to rise, and get control of it. If you're in a life-or-death situation, you don't have the luxury to get upset that your group members think Obama is a Nazi-Socialist-Communist-Antichrist-Muslim-Kenyan-Lion-Prince. You don't have the luxury to get into a screaming match about how much you think Ayn Rand is a visionary genius whose philosophy you really all should be following, so maybe you guys should split up. If that group member should be lost to the horde, just know that one day soon, you might get to put a bullet through their head with no repercussions, and simply let the perceived stupidity roll off your shoulders.

But that's not all you need to learn. I won't tell you to learn everything about everything that has ever existed or been useful in times of crisis, because that would be stupid; you've got less than 20 months to figure this all out. Get yourself a basic understanding of a wide arrangement of things that would be useful in times of crisis. Don't learn how to clean, sterilize, and bandage a wound; learn how to sew. Learn about combustion, learn a bit about anatomy, learn some rudimentary physics, learn how to cook food that you can forage, learn a bit about ecology and geography. All of these things will help you in problem-solving, which will be an important part about staying alive. Keep your brain active at all times, so that you're used to the physical act of thinking. Once you've tuned your brain up into a more robust machine, specialize in something. Remember, the societal groups that will be formed in the zombie apocalypse will be based on need; that is, are you needed in the group. If you aren't, you aren't in the group. If you're good with mechanical stuff, learn how to repair cars, and machinery; and most of all, learn how to operate them. If you're the technical type, learn about solar panels, and ways in which electronic technology can be preserved when there's no one left to man the power stations--or worse, when the power stations become levels from Resident Evil. If you like nature, become Aragorn--well, okay, don't do that, because you probably don't want to take the time to learn how to properly scat in an Elmo voice, but learn about what plantlife is edible, and what plantlife has medicinal value, and how to forage, and learn about the area you're in/will be traveling to. Basically, remember that in a zombie apocalypse, we revert to tribal relations, and if you have no value to the tribe, you're not going to get to stay.

Now, the final preparations. We can all agree that while living like TTTA may be a little...worrisome...for our friends and family, a few basic preparations should be made if you really think the apocalypse is coming within the next few months. Frankly, many of these preparations can be considered a good call even if you don't think the zombie apocalypse is imminent, but, honestly, who thinks that? At any rate, you need a few things lying around, to be prepared. The first of these things is a "bug-out" bag. I'm not going to link to any website that will provide further reading, because I'm pretty sure linking to those types of hyper-conspiracy-theory websites is against the terms of service. Simply, a bug-out bag is exactly what it sounds like: a bag containing the barest minimums for survival in the world at large. There are many views on what a bug-out bag should contain, tailored to special-case scenarios--nuclear winter, urban wasteland, tropical jungles, etc.--but the basics remain the same. You want:
  • A flashlight
    This would seem obvious, but let's just get it out of the way. You want something bright, reliable, and long-lasting. LED lamps will serve you the best, but try not to get a super-cheap one. If it's made of plastic, don't bother. If it costs more than fifty dollars, don't bother; remember, this is the apocalypse, and any technology that costs you a statistically-significant amount of money will fail.
  • A knife
    THIS MUST BE A FIXED-BLADE KNIFE. Your Swiss Army knife is cute, but it will not serve you very well in any situation of dire need. Blades that fold will undoubtedly fold onto your hand and in your surprise at the pain, you will die. Additionally, only a fixed-blade knife will stand up to shelter construction, etc. Try to get one with a long straight blade, and a serrated back. If you're strapped for time/cash, a partially-serrated blade will work. If you have room, include a sharpener, but do remember that a nice hard rock will do the trick if you're really smurfed.
  • A multitool
    A quality multitool would be good, but, this is your bug-out bag, and should contain only that which is SUPER necessary. Don't bother with one that has fifty-thousand-billion-gajillion-and-one attachments; you're probably only going to use the small flathead, Phillips, saw, and pliers. Try to get one with needle-nosed pliers, and do not settle for anything without wire-cutting ability. I have a Gerber Compact Sport. I use it damn-near daily, and it comes with a belt-able nylon holster. I've owned two. The first one was lost, and the second one, with a redesigned, more-sawlike blade is a beautiful thing. In the case of something like this, you don't even need to reserve bug-out bag space.
  • Two changes of clothes
    Yes, yes, I get it, the apocalypse requires Spartan-like focus, but don't get ahead of yourself, Unabomber. You will always want dry, somewhat-clean socks. Trenchfoot sucks, and you can't afford to damage your feet. The bonus of keeping around dry, durable clothes that can be changed somewhat regularly is that should you encounter other people, you can probably give a little bit better of an impression of your ability to keep your damn head on straight, since you haven't absconded with hygiene entirely. Soak 'em down in a river occasionally, air-dry in the sun. It'll keep the smell down, which will boost your morale. As for the clothes themselves, go for long-pants, of a dark & denim nature. Anything that's hard to spot and hard to rip, basically. Shirts are up to you, but I'd recommend short-sleeves if you live in temperate latitudes, as overheating is a smurf. Finally, outer-layers: you want two. You want a soft-shelled, warm pullover/jacket, and a hard-shelled or waterproofed jacket or overcoat. Try to avoid trench coats; that's just smurfing tacky. Peacoats are great, and anything from a military surplus store would be good. Just, try to avoid gaudy colors. Who knows if zombies will retain their visual qualities, but, try to look like you take the situation seriously. You also want boots. Nothing less. Nothing more. Something to about the ankle would be best. Learn to run in them without damaging yourself, and yes, that's possible. You want support, and you want WATERPROOFED. A twisted ankle sucks, and a twisted, soaked ankle is even worse.
  • Needles & thread
    Pretty standard. Keep a couple extra needles around, just in case. You only need two colors of thread: dark, and light. Try to get heavier thread, as the point is durability. You don't want your patched-up jacket to rip back open, and you definitely don't want your patched-up arm to fall back open.
  • Space blanket
    Small, but more importantly, reflective and insulative. It will keep you warm in any situation, and will double as a beacon if smurf hits the fan.
  • AT LEAST three different firestarters
    Honestly, do I need to say this? You want two somethings that can cause direct fire, and something that will cause sparks. Get a Zippo lighter; they're windproof, and will take any flammable liquid. Get a box of matches. STRIKE-ANYWHERE MATCHES. If it isn't white on the end, get rid of it. Paint the wood of all of them in clear nail-polish, and keep in an airtight container. Finally, get a sparker. Firesteel, magnesium-oxide rod, flint, whatever, just get something that sparks and doesn't wear down easily. If you don't have to rush to get a fire going, use that.
  • AT LEAST three different tinders
    Acceptable options: cotton balls, drier lint (If you soak either of those in petroleum jelly and then keep in another airtight container, you have insta-fire), dead leaves, twigs, shredded bark, paper shreds, anything that will burn for a minute or two to ignite something bigger.
  • Rope
    YES IT IS STUPID SOUNDING, BUT YOU ARE GOING TO BE CHARLIE BRONSON. ...anyway, don't think climbing rope, think utility rope. Something that you can burn to keep from fraying after you cut it down to size, and that can be used to tie up things like a shelter. You aren't climbing Mount Everest, you're trying to stay alive for a couple days while you figure smurf out.
  • Water decontamination agent
    I don't need to say this do I? You will definitely need access to clean water. Maybe in the next year, small, reverse-osmosis pumps will become affordable, but I doubt it. If you happen to be a super-scientist, and have access to one of those, don't worry, but otherwise, think iodine pills, etc. They will make your water taste smurf-nasty, but they will keep you from gettting typhoid fever, or cholera, or dysentary. The last thing you want to be doing in the zombie apocalypse is living like that old dude in The Road ...wait, what's that? You're already planning on being Aragorn? Oh, okay, fine, but still, try to take care of yourself, Viggo.
  • Container for water
    Really?
  • Batteries
    These are a last-priority item, really, but they will be handy, especially for that flashlight. Plus, if you're some sick super-scientist, you can probably use them as firestarter number four in a pinch.
  • Ammunition
    Also a last-priority item, but if you already have your weapon of choice (to be discussed later) then you'll probably want some ammunition around


There are other things you may want in your bug-out bag which haven't been covered (non-perishable food item, for example, which will be discussed shortly) but I think you get the idea here. You need a packed bag so that if smurf gets heavy, you're able to make it out. If you have a small, packable tent, bring it. Additionally, get a bag that feels comfortable. The bug-out bag is kinda utilitarian; you only need what will keep you alive long enough to establish some sort of safety for yourself. What that will take may vary, so just make sure the bag itself fits you well, isn't too heavy, and is of a high-enough quality not to rip when you really are scaling Mount Everest to escape the never-ending zombie plague.

Next is food. Food is a simple-enough topic for our purposes. There are two types of food small enough, and long-lasting enough to be worth considering in your immediate preparations, and, mind you, these will only last for so long. Pure chocolate bars and beef jerky. A health-nut will scoff at both, but allow me to make my case here: a Hershey bar has 210 calories, and weighs 43 grams (almost two ounces). It will stay good for about a year. While you won't want to gorge on chocolate while trying to survive, in a pinch, the Hershey bar will keep you fed for a couple days. Jerky, on the other hand, also lasts about a year, and is a high-protein meal. You can boil it into a stock if you're going to stew up some food you forage, or you can eat it as-is. The point is, these two foods are light, durable, and will provide you with a short-term solution to the loss of In-N-Out. Don't keep a lot on hand; four bars, two packages of jerky. These are emergency foods, only, but, then again, all apocalypse situations are emergencies.

Finally, your weapon. You need to think long and hard about the way you plan to approach a zombie apocalypse scenario. Different people have different temperaments, and while some may want to vendetta the zombies, others may want to escape to low-population areas, and hold out in the hills. Plan for your temperament. If your goal is to get out as quick as possible, a semi-automatic rifle is the best way to go. Preferably one with a heavy stock and a bayonet mount. If you don't have to shoot--possibly alarming other zombies that may be in the area, depending on how intact the upper lobes are upon infection--you may not want to. An M14 may be your weapon of choice, having a good-sized bore, solid body, and bayonet mount. Don't ever bother with a folding stock, ever, because in a pinch, that stock will not help you beat away a zombie you didn't see. Honestly though, if your plan is to leave to the hills, any rifle with a solid body, and long range will serve you well. Find something whose weight you like, and get used to carting it around, if you can.

Ahh, but what if you plan to take on all comers, and destroy everything? Perhaps getting your hands on a nice shotgun would be in order. Maybe if you find an abandoned police station you could get your hands on a more devastating weapon, perhaps one with the ability to fire fully-automatically? If urban warfare is your gig, an AR15 is your friend. Easily-customized to suit your needs, the AR-15 could be found and obtained quite easily, and ammunition not terribly hard to come by. Put simply, your ranged weapon should suit where you are and where you want to go. Additionally, a sidearm would be useful. BY NO MEANS should a pistol be your primary weapon, but if you're in a pinch, a .45 caliber pistol could save you from shambling about until your legs are too decayed and damaged to shamble anymore.

For those seeking a more medieval approach, if you can make a crossbow and bolts, go for it. It must be acknowledged that, despite the inevitability of non-zombie life retaking the urban centers, utlimately, you're probably going to run out of bullets. Arrows can be poorly made by even the least-skilled individual, and if you have several already, retrieving them from zombies post-post-mortem is not technically impossible. Be advised, any weapon that doesn't involve small pieces of metal flying at super-sonic speeds will have its drawbacks in the form of reduced efficacy, but if smurf happens, it happens. Additionally, a melee weapon will be of use. ONLY ONE. THOU SHALT NOT WALK DOWN THE STREETS WITH A CLAYMORE. THOU SHALT NOT WALK AROUND LIKE CLOUD STRIFE. YOUR MELEE WEAPON IS FOR EXTREME EMERGENCIES.

Now that we've got that sorted out, a few words on melee weapons:
  1. It should not be easily-breakable
    Mostly, just because you don't want to have to take the time to fix it.
  2. It should not be super long
    That would make it unwiedly
  3. It should not require you to get into arm's reach of a zombie, either
    That wouldn't solve your problems
  4. It should have at least two of three purposes: slicing, stabbing and bludgeoning
    Think about it, you don't want to have to have a bunch of melee items sitting around, so you need a more utilitarian item than would seem normal. Something like a pick hammer would be great, because it offers a crushing blow capability for when you have no sense of aim to give well-placed blows, and also allows for a strong spike to be driven into the skull of the undead for when you know what you're doing. If you can fashion one into a bit of a war hammer, then you've definitely got yourself a winner. Don't even bother with a sword.



But most of all, you need a brain to survive the zombie apocalypse. You need to know how to react, and you need to be able to plan on the spot.

Personally, I'd head for the hills and board up. As quickly as word spreads in a world like this, it seems to me that people would know pretty soon what's going down, and would get on their guard. That would potentially stop the clichéd, "We didn't know she was a zombie!" problems, but an urban center would be too risky. I'd find a vehicle and try and get up north to the canyon areas. I'm pretty familiar with the Canyon de Chelly area, and know that the area is pretty sparse. There's not a lot of people living nearby, but game can be found, and it's likely that any possible infections wouldn't spread far, in a place like Chinle. As terrible as it was to live there in middle school, hiding out there would be pretty great during the zombie apocalypse.

I dunno what would be the perfect number for a group, but a group would be necessary. If nothing else, then to keep a bit of sanity by having SOMEONE to talk to. Plus, groups can specialize, which I think would be the most important way to restore society in the post-apocalyptic world.

I have a couple guitars in my apartment, and a broom, but not a lot here can be made into a makeshift weapon, alas.

As for books/mementos/etc, I'd probably try to save my copy of the Canterbury Tales, mostly because it's symbolic of preserving that which could very well be lost to the sands. I'd definitely be the guy to raid libraries to save books from destruction in the post-apocalyptic world. I don't really have any mementos, but if I could save a guitar, that would be great. Keeping music alive through the destruction would be a valuable thing, I feel.
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Guest_overly_critical_man_*
post May 14 2011, 08:59 AM
Post #5





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Having lived through the zombie dinosaur apocalypse from a few years back...



...I'm confident that I can survive the human one as well.

Although if these zombies are FAST zombies, I can foresee some trouble.
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Guest_AK_WDB_*
post May 14 2011, 11:52 AM
Post #6





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QUOTE (Widget! @ May 13 2011, 11:54 PM) *
Oh hell yes. Before I share my direct responses, a word on what would be the basic necessities for survival of a zombie apocalypse seems appropriate.

For a potential zombie apocalypse, one must be aware of basic needs and ideal desires. Dichotomize and prioritize, people. Sure, it would be great to have a sawed-off Mossberg with eight billion rounds of ammunition, and a tank, and a bunch of M.R.E.'s just lying around, but do you really want to be TTTA? ( tongue.gif ) I didn't think so. In reality, you're probably going to have to settle for a .38 revolver with a couple boxes of bullets, and maybe an old M1 or M14 with a box or two itself of bullets. Therefore, some essential preparations need to be made in order to keep your sorry ass alive as long as possible.

First and foremost, you need to get yourself into shape. Look, the fat dude with the shotgun may be in a better position right now, with his shelter and everything, but this is an apocalypse, so you can already assume the worst things are happening. You're going to run out of ammunition, you're going to make some stupid mistake, and you're going to need to bug out as quickly as possible at least once if you want to keep your cerebellum, so we need to work on fitness. Learn to run the right way. Don't overstride, and try to keep your breathing under control and as oxygenated as possible. The only thing that should stop you from running is a fence. But here's where the second part comes in: learn to climb. I don't mean rock climbing; you're not going to need to know harnesses, or knots, or ropes, no, I mean you need to learn how to climb over fences quickly (this has the added benefit of helping you run away from cops should you be doing anything illicit between now and the apocalypse) and scale walls with relative ease. Forward momentum can easily be used to carry you up a wall at least a moderate distance in order to help you pull yourself up to the top, and if you work on upper body fitness, you will not be disappointed when fifty zombies are swarming behind you as you run your stupid self into a wall in terror. These are two simple things that can be done by playing a sport with friends every week, and by remembering to do a few crunches/situps and pushups every morning. Not a hard routine to get in.

Second, you have a lot of learning to do. Chances are, you're in a pretty well-populated area. Sorry, but the odds are against you in the zombie apocalypse. However, you can reduce those odds by working on your brain. What will keep you alive in a terrible situation (and this goes for any catastrophes in the mean time) is learning first how to stay calm under pressure. Learn what causes your blood pressure to rise, and get control of it. If you're in a life-or-death situation, you don't have the luxury to get upset that your group members think Obama is a Nazi-Socialist-Communist-Antichrist-Muslim-Kenyan-Lion-Prince. You don't have the luxury to get into a screaming match about how much you think Ayn Rand is a visionary genius whose philosophy you really all should be following, so maybe you guys should split up. If that group member should be lost to the horde, just know that one day soon, you might get to put a bullet through their head with no repercussions, and simply let the perceived stupidity roll off your shoulders.

But that's not all you need to learn. I won't tell you to learn everything about everything that has ever existed or been useful in times of crisis, because that would be stupid; you've got less than 20 months to figure this all out. Get yourself a basic understanding of a wide arrangement of things that would be useful in times of crisis. Don't learn how to clean, sterilize, and bandage a wound; learn how to sew. Learn about combustion, learn a bit about anatomy, learn some rudimentary physics, learn how to cook food that you can forage, learn a bit about ecology and geography. All of these things will help you in problem-solving, which will be an important part about staying alive. Keep your brain active at all times, so that you're used to the physical act of thinking. Once you've tuned your brain up into a more robust machine, specialize in something. Remember, the societal groups that will be formed in the zombie apocalypse will be based on need; that is, are you needed in the group. If you aren't, you aren't in the group. If you're good with mechanical stuff, learn how to repair cars, and machinery; and most of all, learn how to operate them. If you're the technical type, learn about solar panels, and ways in which electronic technology can be preserved when there's no one left to man the power stations--or worse, when the power stations become levels from Resident Evil. If you like nature, become Aragorn--well, okay, don't do that, because you probably don't want to take the time to learn how to properly scat in an Elmo voice, but learn about what plantlife is edible, and what plantlife has medicinal value, and how to forage, and learn about the area you're in/will be traveling to. Basically, remember that in a zombie apocalypse, we revert to tribal relations, and if you have no value to the tribe, you're not going to get to stay.

Now, the final preparations. We can all agree that while living like TTTA may be a little...worrisome...for our friends and family, a few basic preparations should be made if you really think the apocalypse is coming within the next few months. Frankly, many of these preparations can be considered a good call even if you don't think the zombie apocalypse is imminent, but, honestly, who thinks that? At any rate, you need a few things lying around, to be prepared. The first of these things is a "bug-out" bag. I'm not going to link to any website that will provide further reading, because I'm pretty sure linking to those types of hyper-conspiracy-theory websites is against the terms of service. Simply, a bug-out bag is exactly what it sounds like: a bag containing the barest minimums for survival in the world at large. There are many views on what a bug-out bag should contain, tailored to special-case scenarios--nuclear winter, urban wasteland, tropical jungles, etc.--but the basics remain the same. You want:
  • A flashlight
    This would seem obvious, but let's just get it out of the way. You want something bright, reliable, and long-lasting. LED lamps will serve you the best, but try not to get a super-cheap one. If it's made of plastic, don't bother. If it costs more than fifty dollars, don't bother; remember, this is the apocalypse, and any technology that costs you a statistically-significant amount of money will fail.
  • A knife
    THIS MUST BE A FIXED-BLADE KNIFE. Your Swiss Army knife is cute, but it will not serve you very well in any situation of dire need. Blades that fold will undoubtedly fold onto your hand and in your surprise at the pain, you will die. Additionally, only a fixed-blade knife will stand up to shelter construction, etc. Try to get one with a long straight blade, and a serrated back. If you're strapped for time/cash, a partially-serrated blade will work. If you have room, include a sharpener, but do remember that a nice hard rock will do the trick if you're really smurfed.
  • A multitool
    A quality multitool would be good, but, this is your bug-out bag, and should contain only that which is SUPER necessary. Don't bother with one that has fifty-thousand-billion-gajillion-and-one attachments; you're probably only going to use the small flathead, Phillips, saw, and pliers. Try to get one with needle-nosed pliers, and do not settle for anything without wire-cutting ability. I have a Gerber Compact Sport. I use it damn-near daily, and it comes with a belt-able nylon holster. I've owned two. The first one was lost, and the second one, with a redesigned, more-sawlike blade is a beautiful thing. In the case of something like this, you don't even need to reserve bug-out bag space.
  • Two changes of clothes
    Yes, yes, I get it, the apocalypse requires Spartan-like focus, but don't get ahead of yourself, Unabomber. You will always want dry, somewhat-clean socks. Trenchfoot sucks, and you can't afford to damage your feet. The bonus of keeping around dry, durable clothes that can be changed somewhat regularly is that should you encounter other people, you can probably give a little bit better of an impression of your ability to keep your damn head on straight, since you haven't absconded with hygiene entirely. Soak 'em down in a river occasionally, air-dry in the sun. It'll keep the smell down, which will boost your morale. As for the clothes themselves, go for long-pants, of a dark & denim nature. Anything that's hard to spot and hard to rip, basically. Shirts are up to you, but I'd recommend short-sleeves if you live in temperate latitudes, as overheating is a smurf. Finally, outer-layers: you want two. You want a soft-shelled, warm pullover/jacket, and a hard-shelled or waterproofed jacket or overcoat. Try to avoid trench coats; that's just smurfing tacky. Peacoats are great, and anything from a military surplus store would be good. Just, try to avoid gaudy colors. Who knows if zombies will retain their visual qualities, but, try to look like you take the situation seriously. You also want boots. Nothing less. Nothing more. Something to about the ankle would be best. Learn to run in them without damaging yourself, and yes, that's possible. You want support, and you want WATERPROOFED. A twisted ankle sucks, and a twisted, soaked ankle is even worse.
  • Needles & thread
    Pretty standard. Keep a couple extra needles around, just in case. You only need two colors of thread: dark, and light. Try to get heavier thread, as the point is durability. You don't want your patched-up jacket to rip back open, and you definitely don't want your patched-up arm to fall back open.
  • Space blanket
    Small, but more importantly, reflective and insulative. It will keep you warm in any situation, and will double as a beacon if smurf hits the fan.
  • AT LEAST three different firestarters
    Honestly, do I need to say this? You want two somethings that can cause direct fire, and something that will cause sparks. Get a Zippo lighter; they're windproof, and will take any flammable liquid. Get a box of matches. STRIKE-ANYWHERE MATCHES. If it isn't white on the end, get rid of it. Paint the wood of all of them in clear nail-polish, and keep in an airtight container. Finally, get a sparker. Firesteel, magnesium-oxide rod, flint, whatever, just get something that sparks and doesn't wear down easily. If you don't have to rush to get a fire going, use that.
  • AT LEAST three different tinders
    Acceptable options: cotton balls, drier lint (If you soak either of those in petroleum jelly and then keep in another airtight container, you have insta-fire), dead leaves, twigs, shredded bark, paper shreds, anything that will burn for a minute or two to ignite something bigger.
  • Rope
    YES IT IS STUPID SOUNDING, BUT YOU ARE GOING TO BE CHARLIE BRONSON. ...anyway, don't think climbing rope, think utility rope. Something that you can burn to keep from fraying after you cut it down to size, and that can be used to tie up things like a shelter. You aren't climbing Mount Everest, you're trying to stay alive for a couple days while you figure smurf out.
  • Water decontamination agent
    I don't need to say this do I? You will definitely need access to clean water. Maybe in the next year, small, reverse-osmosis pumps will become affordable, but I doubt it. If you happen to be a super-scientist, and have access to one of those, don't worry, but otherwise, think iodine pills, etc. They will make your water taste smurf-nasty, but they will keep you from gettting typhoid fever, or cholera, or dysentary. The last thing you want to be doing in the zombie apocalypse is living like that old dude in The Road ...wait, what's that? You're already planning on being Aragorn? Oh, okay, fine, but still, try to take care of yourself, Viggo.
  • Container for water
    Really?
  • Batteries
    These are a last-priority item, really, but they will be handy, especially for that flashlight. Plus, if you're some sick super-scientist, you can probably use them as firestarter number four in a pinch.
  • Ammunition
    Also a last-priority item, but if you already have your weapon of choice (to be discussed later) then you'll probably want some ammunition around


There are other things you may want in your bug-out bag which haven't been covered (non-perishable food item, for example, which will be discussed shortly) but I think you get the idea here. You need a packed bag so that if smurf gets heavy, you're able to make it out. If you have a small, packable tent, bring it. Additionally, get a bag that feels comfortable. The bug-out bag is kinda utilitarian; you only need what will keep you alive long enough to establish some sort of safety for yourself. What that will take may vary, so just make sure the bag itself fits you well, isn't too heavy, and is of a high-enough quality not to rip when you really are scaling Mount Everest to escape the never-ending zombie plague.

Next is food. Food is a simple-enough topic for our purposes. There are two types of food small enough, and long-lasting enough to be worth considering in your immediate preparations, and, mind you, these will only last for so long. Pure chocolate bars and beef jerky. A health-nut will scoff at both, but allow me to make my case here: a Hershey bar has 210 calories, and weighs 43 grams (almost two ounces). It will stay good for about a year. While you won't want to gorge on chocolate while trying to survive, in a pinch, the Hershey bar will keep you fed for a couple days. Jerky, on the other hand, also lasts about a year, and is a high-protein meal. You can boil it into a stock if you're going to stew up some food you forage, or you can eat it as-is. The point is, these two foods are light, durable, and will provide you with a short-term solution to the loss of In-N-Out. Don't keep a lot on hand; four bars, two packages of jerky. These are emergency foods, only, but, then again, all apocalypse situations are emergencies.

Finally, your weapon. You need to think long and hard about the way you plan to approach a zombie apocalypse scenario. Different people have different temperaments, and while some may want to vendetta the zombies, others may want to escape to low-population areas, and hold out in the hills. Plan for your temperament. If your goal is to get out as quick as possible, a semi-automatic rifle is the best way to go. Preferably one with a heavy stock and a bayonet mount. If you don't have to shoot--possibly alarming other zombies that may be in the area, depending on how intact the upper lobes are upon infection--you may not want to. An M14 may be your weapon of choice, having a good-sized bore, solid body, and bayonet mount. Don't ever bother with a folding stock, ever, because in a pinch, that stock will not help you beat away a zombie you didn't see. Honestly though, if your plan is to leave to the hills, any rifle with a solid body, and long range will serve you well. Find something whose weight you like, and get used to carting it around, if you can.

Ahh, but what if you plan to take on all comers, and destroy everything? Perhaps getting your hands on a nice shotgun would be in order. Maybe if you find an abandoned police station you could get your hands on a more devastating weapon, perhaps one with the ability to fire fully-automatically? If urban warfare is your gig, an AR15 is your friend. Easily-customized to suit your needs, the AR-15 could be found and obtained quite easily, and ammunition not terribly hard to come by. Put simply, your ranged weapon should suit where you are and where you want to go. Additionally, a sidearm would be useful. BY NO MEANS should a pistol be your primary weapon, but if you're in a pinch, a .45 caliber pistol could save you from shambling about until your legs are too decayed and damaged to shamble anymore.

For those seeking a more medieval approach, if you can make a crossbow and bolts, go for it. It must be acknowledged that, despite the inevitability of non-zombie life retaking the urban centers, utlimately, you're probably going to run out of bullets. Arrows can be poorly made by even the least-skilled individual, and if you have several already, retrieving them from zombies post-post-mortem is not technically impossible. Be advised, any weapon that doesn't involve small pieces of metal flying at super-sonic speeds will have its drawbacks in the form of reduced efficacy, but if smurf happens, it happens. Additionally, a melee weapon will be of use. ONLY ONE. THOU SHALT NOT WALK DOWN THE STREETS WITH A CLAYMORE. THOU SHALT NOT WALK AROUND LIKE CLOUD STRIFE. YOUR MELEE WEAPON IS FOR EXTREME EMERGENCIES.

Now that we've got that sorted out, a few words on melee weapons:
  1. It should not be easily-breakable
    Mostly, just because you don't want to have to take the time to fix it.
  2. It should not be super long
    That would make it unwiedly
  3. It should not require you to get into arm's reach of a zombie, either
    That wouldn't solve your problems
  4. It should have at least two of three purposes: slicing, stabbing and bludgeoning
    Think about it, you don't want to have to have a bunch of melee items sitting around, so you need a more utilitarian item than would seem normal. Something like a pick hammer would be great, because it offers a crushing blow capability for when you have no sense of aim to give well-placed blows, and also allows for a strong spike to be driven into the skull of the undead for when you know what you're doing. If you can fashion one into a bit of a war hammer, then you've definitely got yourself a winner. Don't even bother with a sword.



But most of all, you need a brain to survive the zombie apocalypse. You need to know how to react, and you need to be able to plan on the spot.

Personally, I'd head for the hills and board up. As quickly as word spreads in a world like this, it seems to me that people would know pretty soon what's going down, and would get on their guard. That would potentially stop the clichéd, "We didn't know she was a zombie!" problems, but an urban center would be too risky. I'd find a vehicle and try and get up north to the canyon areas. I'm pretty familiar with the Canyon de Chelly area, and know that the area is pretty sparse. There's not a lot of people living nearby, but game can be found, and it's likely that any possible infections wouldn't spread far, in a place like Chinle. As terrible as it was to live there in middle school, hiding out there would be pretty great during the zombie apocalypse.

I dunno what would be the perfect number for a group, but a group would be necessary. If nothing else, then to keep a bit of sanity by having SOMEONE to talk to. Plus, groups can specialize, which I think would be the most important way to restore society in the post-apocalyptic world.

I have a couple guitars in my apartment, and a broom, but not a lot here can be made into a makeshift weapon, alas.

As for books/mementos/etc, I'd probably try to save my copy of the Canterbury Tales, mostly because it's symbolic of preserving that which could very well be lost to the sands. I'd definitely be the guy to raid libraries to save books from destruction in the post-apocalyptic world. I don't really have any mementos, but if I could save a guitar, that would be great. Keeping music alive through the destruction would be a valuable thing, I feel.

tl;dr
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Guest_tryingtothinkagain_*
post May 14 2011, 12:10 PM
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Wouldn't be an M1/M14, would be an AR-15 or AK-47. Both are cheap. As for ammo, http://www.cheaperthandirt.com/.

This post has been edited by tryingtothinkagain: May 14 2011, 12:10 PM
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Guest_Cody_*
post May 14 2011, 03:22 PM
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In the event of a zombie apocalypse, I would head over to my coach's house. He lives miles from anyone else and being a conservative, I'm sure he has guns. Lots of them. Living where he does, there are lots of deer to eat if necessary and a small creek with clean water isn't far from his house. I would raid Walmart and other supermarkets/stores/shops etc. and bring anything that could be of use to his house. I would also raid my medicine cabinet and take anything that might be useful - no one in my house takes all their pills like to doctor says to. There are always three or four left in the bottle. I would also bring lots of socks and a few large t-shirts (2x-3x). These can be helpful in dealing with wounds, if needed.

I would have eight people in my group - just enough to fit into an SUV in case we needed to flee quickly - and enough to fight when we needed to.

For my makeshift weapons, I could take the tools for my fireplace (about five feet long) and take the ends off of them, leaving me with spears. I would also take my dad's chainsaw (ultra-lightweight and it has a case, it wouldn't be a hassle to carry around.) I would also take some forever sharp kitchen knives. I have multiple sledge hammers that are big enough to kick some zombie ass, too. Oh, and baseball bats.

I would take my iPod touch. Solar battery charger I have the whole Wikipedia on it and that would serve me well in making sure society isn't back in the dark ages. I also have at least 200 books on it. It also has a dictionary and many other tools. I would also download, before I left, a college physics, math, biology, every kind of textbook I could find, and place it on an external hard drive. I would also bring my laptop, to read the information with and be able to teach it once a new settlement had been started. My main mission would be, in this scenario, to help bring us back to our former level of intelligence. Of course, it wouldn't hurt me to get this app. http://itunes.apple.com/app/army-survival-...d343747489?mt=8 I may also download from itunes university in order to teach what I am not familiar with enough to teach.

As for food, I think I would bring lots of chocolate. I would want enough to supplement whatever I may find to eat elsewhere, in case it isn't sufficient. I have enough canned food in my house to last about three months, so I would bring all of that. I would also bring lots of nuts, peanut butter, and protein bars. They will all last for a long time and have a lot of calories/protein. Powdered milk also lasts a long time and if I could get some of it, that would be nice. I would also bring seeds. Having a fresh garden would be helpful once I ran out of the other food. I have lots of seeds and miracle

This may seem like a lot, but I'm not going to be walking during the apocalypse. I will have no problem hauling all this to my coach's house. I'm taking an SUV - big enough to haul people, or sleep, or store lots of things if needed, including lots of tools. Screwdrivers, hammers, wrenches, and etc. may come in very handy.

I'm not sure if my plan is smart or not, but it sure seems like it would cover everything and plan for the future.

This post has been edited by Cody: May 14 2011, 03:39 PM
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Guest_beregond_*
post May 14 2011, 03:49 PM
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Iowa: where getting to the country is no problem!
I wonder, also, if getting back into the city after the first waves of zombie apocalypse have rolled over would be a bad idea. Seeing as there wouldn't be much left in the cities, it seems like a decent way to maximize the environment with less risk of attack if the zombies have moved on: zombies have no need for canned food, rice, etc. left in supermarkets, and there would be plenty of buildings to squat in for shelter. Then again, this may just be my inherent dislike of the countryside speaking to me.
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Guest_overly_critical_man_*
post May 14 2011, 07:19 PM
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QUOTE (AK_WDB @ May 14 2011, 04:52 AM) *
tl;dr


Did you really need to quote the entire thing again?

Will just makes that decision to sacrifice him to the zombies, easier and easier.
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Guest_Widget!_*
post May 14 2011, 09:00 PM
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QUOTE (tryingtothinkagain @ May 14 2011, 05:10 AM) *
Wouldn't be an M1/M14, would be an AR-15 or AK-47. Both are cheap. As for ammo, http://www.cheaperthandirt.com/.


An AR-15 would be a better bet than an AK-47. Getting ammunition now is easy as smurf, but what about when you're foraging through desolate wastelands? You're way more likely to find .223 ammunition than 7.62x39 any day. But in that case, the AR-15 is less suited to being used as a full-body weapon than the M14. With the vast likelihood of a collapsible or folding stock, the AR-15 becomes a liability in that you can't hit someone with it, without damaging it. Moreover, you're way more likely to come across .308 Winchesters in some dude's gun cabinet than .223, simply because it's a better round for hunting large things, like deer, elk, or zombies. I recommend the M14 or similar weaponry knowing full well that an AR-15 would be cheaper and lighter; it's just a more sensible weapon to use if you're trying to get out and avoid fighting the hordes. A pistol grip makes the weapon more unwieldy in terms of using it for more than just shooting, and while, yes, the point of the rifle is to shoot things, you have to realize that in an apocalyptic scenario, you're definitely going to have to hit someone in the face with your rifle at least once.

In the case that your AR-15 has a full, non-collapsible stock, and a bayonet mount, and your plan is to GTFO, by all means, use that. It will be lighter, and you'll probably want that. But if you don't have that, get something with a full stock.

@beregond: I definitely think that retaking cities post-apocalypse would be a good idea. It may take finding and killing the zombies that remain, but given a year, it's likely that any zombie still around in a city would be damaged to the point of being less of a threat. The thing with a zombie apocalypse is that it's definitely not the end of the world. It's a reorganizing. A restructuring. But civilization will coalesce once more, and planning for that is the best thing to do.
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Guest_tryingtothinkagain_*
post May 15 2011, 12:33 AM
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Actually, a crane stock is very sturdy, and has a slightly sharper edge. The Army has a type of martial art designed with the soldier's weapon in mind, a blow to the temple with a crane stock can kill you just fine.

There are a wide variety of upper receivers for the AR-15 platform, everything from .223 to .50.
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Guest_Tad Walters_*
post May 15 2011, 02:49 AM
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QUOTE (blondie13 @ May 14 2011, 12:41 AM) *

I actually read this today when I was being unproductive due to AcDec withdrawal. It made me depressed like you don't even know.
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Guest_tryingtothinkagain_*
post May 15 2011, 03:05 AM
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QUOTE (blondie13 @ May 14 2011, 12:41 AM) *

http://www.cracked.com/article_15643_5-sci...lly-happen.html

Ahem.
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Guest_dizzyizzy_*
post May 15 2011, 04:01 AM
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I am, admittedly, not a weapons expert, but here's some things I picked up in boy scouts (and elsewhere):

Your feet are the most important part of you. Get good, comfortable, well-fitting, sturdy boots. I have Merrills, they've served me well for 4 years now (including through Philmont) with only superficial signs of wear. They're not steel-toe, but I'm not sure that's the biggest drawback in the world.

Throw out your cotton socks, they're useless. Wool and polyester are all you should have on. Make sure you have ample supply of moleskin, and meet ay blisters head-on. If you can't run, you're dead.

Nalgene water bottles are fantastic, and you can pick up a water purifier made to fit the mouth of them at any sporting goods store. We've got a couple around in case of natural disaster. Zombie attack would qualify.

Duct tape is a must as well. I've got a nalgene with duct tape spooled around it to save space.

Selecting your mode of transportation is a big question. I am, admittedly, not a car expert, so someone else should be able to expand on this. Don't just grab the first car you see. Best case: probably... Toyota? Honda? I dunno. Worst case: Ford, Lincoln, or Mercury. They require expensive-ass specialized tools to repair, which you won't be able to find in every garage. Remember, there's no time left for protectionism. Find the most durable car you can, in the best condition you can, and the one most easily repaired. It also better better be offroad-ready if you plan on getting anywhere with it.

Widget, if you've got guitars in your room, but nothing that can be made into a melee weapon, you're using the wrong guitars, there, Fender Brotocaster. Invest in a B.C. Rich or something. Sure, you look like a smurf now, but when you're breaking zombie skulls, who's gonna be laughing?


Things to keep in mind:

Gasoline+styrofoam=napalm

Any open cut should be covered immediately. If the z-pocalypse is a virus, then geting zombie blood mixed in with your blood is as good as getting bit. For that reason, you should also avoid melee weapons as much as you possibly can.

Be aware of your surroundings. Always know where the nearest naturally-occurring water source is, and know your next camp's location a day in advance, and make sure every person in your group knows how to get there. Staying in one place sounds good and all, but a siege relies on the enemy giving up. What a zombie's not gonna say: "Oh, smurf, guys, a bunch of civilians piled up some garbage. We can't get through that, guess we better just go lay back down in the grave."
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Guest_tryingtothinkagain_*
post May 15 2011, 04:12 AM
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Eh, fire won't be too useful against zombies when they're already attacking you, but if you know there's a bunch in a big area like a forest, then burn the smurf out of that place.
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Guest_dizzyizzy_*
post May 15 2011, 04:34 AM
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QUOTE (tryingtothinkagain @ May 15 2011, 12:12 AM) *
Eh, fire won't be too useful against zombies when they're already attacking you, but if you know there's a bunch in a big area like a forest, then burn the smurf out of that place.

If you add more styrofoam, you get a thick paste that makes for fast, simple fire-lighting. I shoulda mentioned that.
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Guest_AK_WDB_*
post May 15 2011, 02:32 PM
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QUOTE (overly_critical_man @ May 14 2011, 11:19 AM) *
QUOTE (AK_WDB @ May 14 2011, 04:52 AM) *
tl;dr


Did you really need to quote the entire thing again?

Will just makes that decision to sacrifice him to the zombies, easier and easier.

I wanted to emphasize my point. tongue.gif
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Guest_tryingtothinkagain_*
post May 15 2011, 05:13 PM
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QUOTE (dizzyizzy @ May 14 2011, 11:34 PM) *
QUOTE (tryingtothinkagain @ May 15 2011, 12:12 AM) *
Eh, fire won't be too useful against zombies when they're already attacking you, but if you know there's a bunch in a big area like a forest, then burn the smurf out of that place.

If you add more styrofoam, you get a thick paste that makes for fast, simple fire-lighting. I shoulda mentioned that.

I know, but fire just doesn't destroy stuff fast enough, unless it's burning much hotter than napalm. Maybe if you mixed large quantities of magnesium and aluminum powder into a thick paste of napalm.
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Guest_Doduare_*
post May 15 2011, 06:44 PM
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QUOTE (tryingtothinkagain @ May 15 2011, 04:05 AM) *

Rage virus zombies and I Am Legend "zombies" are no doubt the most frightening. After-death zombies are too slow, they're no good for our apocalypse. This brings up the interesting question of what kind of zombies we need for the apocalypse. Different types of zombies require different methods of preparation.
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